Unos: How Nieve I Was
Maybe it was my withdrawal from the Midwest kicking in or the lack of good (deep dish) pizza places in the Metro D.C. area. Whatever it was Marlyn and I went to Uno’s Chicago Pizza on Friday night and were sorely disappointed.
It wasn’t like the pizza was horrible because it really is hard to fuck up pizza; then again it wasn’t that great either. You know the feeling you get like you have to finish the last slice even though you aren’t hungry? The pizza is THAT good that you just can’t stand to bear the thought of that last slice being uneaten for another day. Uno’s was not like that and it wasn’t even close.
We ordered sausage, olives and mushrooms which by now is my fairly standard pizza topping selection. The sausage tasted like sausage, mushrooms like, well, nothing and the olives were the best thing on there. Uno’s used a mix of fresh and ripened Kalamata Olives which was basically the best experience of the meal (is that sad?). What really makes a good deep dish pizza though is the sauce. Uno’s used a fairly standard deep dish sauch which is a little more hearty than a normal tomato pizza sauce, but again it wasn’t fantastic.
Marlyn compared it to her many experiences at Gino’s East in Chicago which just shouldn’t have been done because it wasn’t even close. I used my few trips to Papa Del’s in Champaign (which also has pretty decent deep dish pizza) and again, Uno’s couldn’t compare.
And we're just talking about the taste of the pizza so far, don't even get me started on the rest of the experience. The wait staff? I don't think I've ever seen such an unappetizing staff in my life. Its like: If I eat this I'm going to turn into one of the many greasy people walking around here. The waitress herself? Picture a woman that would make you not want to eat pizza if you looked at her in the eye, and then increase that and you'll get level of attractiveness at the restaurant. Look, I'm trying to not be too over-the-top here but I believe that there should at least be a bare minimum in cleanliness and attractiveness to serve people.
The bathrooms? Disgusting. There was no air conditioning/fan in there so the temperature was a good 10 degrees from the restaurant, which was a good 10 degrees warmer/muggier than it was outside (which is where we sat). The bathroom smelled bad, due to lack of aeration, and there was no hot water pressure. Is it possible for my hands to feel dirtier leaving than when coming in? Good thing I was using a knife and fork to eat my pizza.
I guess the last thing there is for me to talk about was the quality of the pizza pan that the deep dish was served to us in. It looked like it had been used for 20 years; paint/rust was chipping on the side of the pan and you don’t realize it until after the thing had a chance to cool down. Also, the pizza itself doesn’t cook in the bottom of the pan, they use a metal ring for it to stand on. Is that cheating a little bit? I mean even pizza hut cooks their pan pizzas directly on top of the pan and don’t cheat by using a metal coil to either 1) take up space or 2) prevent the pizza from touching the bottom(?). Frankly I don’t know the reason for the coil but it cant be one to benefit the consumer.
Well, I guess my rant is over as I’ve run out of things to complain about. Maybe my expectations were too high (maybe I shouldn’t have any?) when eating at a chain restaurant. I don’t expect to go back to Uno’s again though for quite some time.
