JeffreyLipsey.com

For being quoted in the New York Times!



Web Privacy

Here are some things Internet users can discover about Kiyoshi Martinez, a 24-year-old man from Mokena, Ill., from some of his recent posts online. He watched “The Colbert Report” on Tuesday night, he likes the musician Lenlow and he received bottles of olive oil and vinegar for his birthday. Mr. Martinez has Facebook and LinkedIn pages, a Twitter account and a Web site that includes his résumé.


So it is surprising to learn that Mr. Martinez, an aide in the Illinois Senate, is also vigilant about his privacy online.


“I’m pretty aware of the fact that anything you do on the Internet pretty much should just be considered public,” Mr. Martinez said. While he knows that companies are collecting his data and often tracking his online habits so they can show him more relevant ads, he said, he would like to see more transparency “about what the company intends to do with your data and your information.”


“Like all privacy matters, it’s something that people need to be informed on,” Mr. Martinez said.

So, what’s next for Kiyoshi? I’m expecting him to be quoted in Sports Illustrated soon for his comment on the Brett Favre scenario and about the Olympics. Because that would make sense (sarcasm).






Kiyoshi Martinez used to co-write with me on LameRerun.com and you can find some of his writings here. He’s also creator and moderator of AngryJournalist.com and you can read more of his blog here.

LameRerun.com feature “Coming this fall…” looks at the new TV shows network executives think you’ll enjoy watching. Expect some really uninformed opinions and snap judgements. Today, the Murdoch network!

1.) K-Ville - Monday 9 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | WikiFirst impressions: Only FOX would find a way to cash in on Katrina.

Plot: In a post Katrina world, things are pretty bad for those in NOLA. So, it makes sense to have a fictional series showing how screwed up things are down there, two full years later. We follow two cops (stereotypically, one’s a rookie, one’s been there, done that) as they fight crime and deal with a city trying to rebuild.

Expect: Crime. Politics. FEMA jokes. Jazz. At least one episode dealing with Mardi Gras.

Wishes: They’d cancel this show and actually take a film documentary crew to NOLA instead and show how bad things are each week. Then again, that’d be a responsible thing to do.

Up against: Heroes, Two & A Half Men, Samantha Who?

See it?: Let’s face it, you used to care about Katrina victims. You probably donated to the Red Cross and were somewhat outraged at the time. But it’s been two years. Ask yourself: Do I really care, and if I did, then would I watch this?

2.) Back to You - Wednesday 8 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | WikiFirst impressions: Anchorman as a TV show, minus Will Ferrell, plus Kelsey Grammer.

Plot: Top notch anchorman makes it to the top, leaving behind his roots in Pittsburg. He screws up and now returns back “home” to retake his old job as a washed-up hack, while bickering with his former co-host.

Expect: Fraiser-style humor. A laugh track (ugh). Anchorman and media humor (hooray).

Wishes: Will Ferrell cameo (even though I hated Anchorman, it’d be funny).

Up against: Kid Nation, Pushing Daisies, Deal or No Deal

See it?: I’m not sure I’ll particularly relish Grammer in a new role, but he seems like a match for it. A good sitcom alternative to the rest of the competition.

3.) Kitchen Nightmares - Wednesday 9 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | WikiFirst impressions: Hell’s Kitchen meets Dinner: Impossible. Is there anything FOX won’t rip off?

Plot: It’s a reality show, hence, no plot.

Expect: Yelling. Screaming. Cooking. More screaming. Frustrated faces in close-up shots. Tears. Food.

Wishes: That this never makes it to the Food Network’s bullet-proof lineup.

Up against: Private Practice, Criminal Minds, Bionic Woman

See it?: Why bother? If you like Hell’s Kitchen, there’s that. And if you want challenges, go see Dinner: Impossible. And you can watch Bionic Woman!

4.) Nashville - Friday 9 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | WikiFirst impressions: MTV’s “The Hills” goes down south.

Plot: It’s a reality show that FOX calls “a high-stakes, high-drama docu-soap featuring a cast of young dreamers living in the ‘biggest small town of America.’”

Expect: MTV reality show with a FOX twist. Crying. Drama. Singing. Bad country music.

Wishes: That MTV-inspired ideas for TV shows would become extinct.

Up against: Friday Night Lights, Moonlight, Women’s Murder Club

See it?: No.

Well, that’s it for me and these fall season previews. I know I didn’t cover the CW/MyNetwork. That’s because I just don’t watch that network… ever.

Technorati Tags: Nashville, Kitchen+Nightmares, K-Ville, Back+to+You, FOX+Network, TV, fall+schedule

It’s been a tough week or so for TV. I haven’t been able to watch anything other than the Food Network these past few days (not that’s a bad thing, mind you) and my formerly full and diverse schedule has become rather empty.

Two points of frustration:

Gripe #1 - The U.S. Open on USA Network

If you like tennis, you’re probably really excited that you can TiVo hours of the U.S. Open all day long and watch it straight through primetime.

Me? Not so much.

I’m sure tennis is fun to play, a really skilled game, etc. But I don’t care. Don’t they realize that I’m missing two weeks of Burn Notice and Psych? Those are staples of my TV-viewing diet. I need those shows to lead into my weekend. Without these shows, I feel like my entire week has been thrown off and empty.

Come back to me regularly scheduled programming!

And to run those commercials telling me “oh, don’t worry, you can see these shows again in two weeks” is just a huge tease. Just stop it.

Gripe #2 - No Daily Show or Colbert Report

Talk about the worst time for Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert to take not just one, but two, weeks off.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned. Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, resigned. Fred Thompson announced his candidacy. President Bush went on a super-secret (double probation) trip to Iraq while Gen. Petraeus gave his report. And that’s just the stuff I remember (and we’re not even done with this week yet).

I know they’re not professional newscasters, who also get time off, but can’t they get fill in anchors? I just miss my late-night political satire.

Here’s looking at next week folks.

Technorati Tags: Daily+Show, Colbert+Report, US+Open, tennis, Jon+Stewart, Stephen+Colbert, Burn+Notice, Psych, USA+Network, Comedy+Central

LameRerun.com feature “Coming this fall…” looks at the new TV shows network executives think you’ll enjoy watching. Expect some really uninformed opinions and snap judgements. Today, the peacock network!

1.) Chuck - Monday 8 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb |Wiki

First impressions: Another show about geeks/nerds? Also teamed up with a blonde chick? Originality in Hollywood is dead.

Plot: Nerd that works at the Best-Buy equivalent of Geek Squad ends up seeing super-secret government images subliminally implanted into his brain. This obviously makes him attractive to women, secret agents and ninjas. (Seriously.) Can this really last more than one season? Should it?

Expect: Tie-in advertisements for Best Buy and Circuit City. Semi-bad nerd/geek references. Spy cliches. Encouragement to purchase this TV show on Blu-Ray and HD-DVD.

Wishes: Chuck turns into a pirate to fight the ninja. That the show isn’t as bad as it looks (and probably will be).

Up against: Prison Break, Dancing with the Stars, Monday Night Football

See it?: Well, it is on before Heroes, but it’s also football season.

2.) Journeyman - Mondays 10 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb |Wiki

First impressions: Kinda reminds me of The Dead Zone, except with time travel.

Plot: Guy can travel through time, although doesn’t exactly know how. He also has to see if he can save the life of this girl he loved, who has since died.

Expect: A crossover with Heroes.

Wishes: A crossover with Heroes.

Up against: C.S.I.: Miami, The Bachelor

See it?: Why not give it a shot? Sure, it’s not Back to the Future, but you can’t help but want to see this show be cool. For instance, if he changes something as simple as buying a hot dog, then does it change the future he comes back to? The writing possibilities here are rather endless.

3.) Bionic Woman - Wednesday 9 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb |Wiki

First impressions: Like RoboCop but possibly hotter. Oh, and it’s a remake of some old show that people really liked.

Plot: Woman loses legs and other body parts in an accident (tragic). Gets cybernetic implants (awesome). Proceeds to probably work for the government and jump buildings in a single bound.

Expect: Another cyborg (probably evil). Government coverups and operations. A lot of sweet action.

Wishes: Please don’t turn out to be a stupid TV version of a stupid comic-book movie. Please actually be smart. Please actually not have terrible CGI. Please don’t make me regret being excited for this show.

Up against: Criminal Minds, Private Practice

See it?: Hell yes.

4.) Life - Wednesday 10 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb |Wiki

First impressions: I like Damian Lews from Band of Brothers. I like the idea. I’m just not sure if the plot’s as interesting as it could be.

Plot: A cop gets set up for murder, gets sentenced to life in federal prison and then evidence later proves his innocence. This gets him a huge cash settlement and a detective job. Now he solves crimes, is out to find who set him up and spouts pop philosophy along the way.

Expect: Touchy-feely episodes that are self contained. No closure on the overall plot. Bad philosophy with good acting.

Wishes: Wrap up the overall plot and develop a new one by the end of the season.

Up against: Dirty Sexy Money, C.S.I.: NY, South Park

See it?: Tough call. If you can TiVo, it might be worth doing. The show does seem to be of a higher quality.

Well, that’s enough for today. Last up is the FOX network’s lineup. Coming soon.

Technorati Tags: Life, Bionic+Woman, Chuck, Journeyman, NBC, TV, fall+schedule

LameRerun.com feature “Coming this fall…” looks at the new TV shows network executives think you’ll enjoy watching. Expect some really uninformed opinions and snap judgements. Today, the alphabet network!

1.) Samantha Who? - Monday 9:30 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: This could be funny. But the whole waking up from a coma and having amnesia bit has been done several times before.

Plot: Samantha (played by Christina Applegate) wakes up and doesn’t know anything. Her parents, boyfriend, etc. She’s only been out of it eight days, but she’s been mindwiped Men In Black style. I guess ABC billed this as a comedy, because it’s a season-long “dumb blonde” joke. Everyone loves those!

Expect: Stale writing. Recycled plots from other movies/TV shows using this scenario. Applegate giving average performances. (Hey! Remember Jesse? Neither do I.) The gradual process of Samantha actually remembering things to advance the already shallow plot. A season finale with her remembering something important — probably about her boyfriend.

Wishes: Al Bundy guest appearance?

Up against: Heroes, Monday Night Football, people remembering that this show is on

See it?: Why would you? Heroes season 2 baby!

2.) Cavemen - Tuesday 8 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: You’ve all seen the Geico comercials. You either love the idea or hate the idea. Personally, I like it.

Plot: Cavemen somehow didn’t evolve with the rest of the human race and struggle to fit into the modern world we live in. You could take some huge analytical approach about how it’s a representation of the second-class citizens in society, but it’s a comedy.

Expect: No grunting. Chai. Impressive fashion. Racism against cavemen. Pretentiousness. Either complete bomb or best new comedy.

Wishes: Geico gecko cameo. No mentions to Geico. Poking fun at political topics.

Up against: NCIS, Beauty And The Geek, Bones

See it?: You’ve probably already determined whether or not you think this show’s a good idea. I’ll give it one episode, but will probably give it more since nothing else is really on that I’m dedicated to on Tuesdays.

3.) Carpoolers - Tuesday 8:30 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: Has lots of potential and a really diverse cast of characters. I think it could be funnier than expected, even if Jerry “Kangaroo Jack” O’Connell is in it.

Plot: Four guys carpool to work. One’s recently married, another’s recently divorced, etc. It’s like watching male bonding at a bar, except instead of drinking, they’re driving.

Expect: Complaints about women/wives. Hijinks. Over the top humor. Quick scenes and fast cuts. More one liners than built up situational humor.

Wishes: No “Sliders” references please.

Up against: The same crap Cavemen is up against. Hey! ABC might get a full hour of my time.

See it?: It’s worth giving a shot, especially if you’re going to be watching Cavemen anyways.

4.) Pushing Daisies - Wednesday 8 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: This seems to be a comedy infused with Disney-esq romantic and magical whimsey. It could be uplifting, if it wasn’t so dark in its subject matter.

Plot: Guy has magic powers to raise people up from the dead by simply touching them. Oh, and he can also kill people if he touches them, too. So, he wakes up his first love but he can never touch her, or else she presumably dies for real. Forever.

Expect: Reminds me of a Tim Burton film, filled with visual feasts. It’s more of a lucid dream than simple comedy. As some of the previews state, it’s like a mini movie each week.

Wishes: No more magic than the main character’s abilities. And definately no “evil twin” with the same powers.

Up against: Deal or No Deal, America’s Next Top Model, Kid Nation

See it?: I wouldn’t put this on my must see list. Looks like it’d be more enjoyable as a DVD marathon viewing, given its theatrical nature.

5.) Private Practice - Wednesday 9 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: If this is a spin-off of Grey’s Anatomy, then why don’t they put it after Grey’s Anatomy on Thursday?

Plot: I’ve never watched Grey’s Anatomy. I hear it’s good and that people like it. I just have no desire to watch a show about doctors. Unless it’s Nip/Tuck. With that said, it’s a spin-off series. If you like Grey’s Anatomy (which ABC is probably banking on) then you’ll probably like this show. If you’re like me and don’t really care about Grey’s Anatomy, then you have no idea what the backstory is or a reason to watch.

Expect: Doctors. Drama of people dying in a hospital. Crossovers with Grey’s Anatomy.

Wishes: None, because I won’t be watching.

Up against: Bionic Woman, Criminal Minds

See it?: I think I’ve established this already.

6.) Dirty Sexy Money - Wednesday 10 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: Looks like a fun show, if you like watching shows about rich, dysfunctional people and the lawyer that represents them.

Plot: A hotshot lawyer gets paid to be a lawyer for a wealthy family that’s pretty much insane. I assume that we’ll see him try to cover up all their screwups and there’s going to be a murder at some point.

Expect: Bickering. Drugs. Crime. Ethical grey areas. Legal speak.

Wishes: That there weren’t so many shows about laywers. Or shows about rich, spoiled people.

Up against: South Park, C.S.I.: NY

See it?: Maybe. I’m not a fan of most lawyer shows (I get my fix through Law & Order).

7.) Big Shots - Thursday 10 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: It’s like a male version of Desperate Housewives, I think.

Plot: Four CEOs have issues with the women in their lives. They’re living the high life, but it’s such a drag. I don’t think there’s really an overall plot except that this resembles a primetime soap opera with an interesting male cast (that nerdy guy from Sports Night, and that lawyer from the Practice, and that Titus guy!) It reminds me of a less-edgy version of Entourage.

Expect: Golf. Money. Golf. Women. Golf. Laughing. Golf. Beer. Golf.

Wishes: That there’s some form of plot that actually ties this show together.

Up against: Without a Trace, ER

See it?: I don’t think I want to see a soap opera about guys.

8.) Women’s Murder Club - Friday 9 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: Reruns will be on the Lifetime network.

Plot: Four women (a police detective, forensic scientist, assistant district attorney and a newspaper reporter) all try to solve crimes and catch murderers. It’s like Nancy Drew meets Law & Order meets Voltron.

Expect: A serial killer that they can’t manage to catch until the finale. A newspaper reporter totally violating journalism ethics. Angie Harmon with a gun instead of a legal pad.

Wishes: Angie Harmon would return to Law & Order.

Up against: Friday Night Lights, Moonlight, male viewers

See it?: As much as I really liked Angie Harmon’s character on Law & Order, it makes it that much harder to believe she’s a police detective. Also, I can’t stand watching TV shows and movies with journalists who act nothing like most journalists.

Coming tomorrow, we take a look at what the peacock has in store for the fall lineup.

Technorati Tags: ABC, TV, Samantha+Who?, Cavemen, Carpoolers, Big+Shots, Pushing+Daisies, Women’s+Murder+Club, Dirty+Sexy+Money, Private+Practice

LameRerun.com feature “Coming this fall…” looks at the new TV shows network executives think you’ll enjoy watching. Expect some really uninformed opinions and snap judgements. First up, the Big Eye!

CBS has five new shows this fall: Viva Laughlin, The Big Bang Theory, Cane, Kid Nation and Moonlight.

1.) Viva Laughlin - Sunday 8 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: Do we really need another show about gambling and Las Vegas? Apparently, we do.

Plot: All the promo photos featuring Lloyd Owen’s character feature his smug smile, like he knows he’s going to take down the house, despite the whole world’s stacked against him. As I understand it, he’s been set up for murder, can’t find funding for his casino and has to fight Wolverine.

Expect: Plenty of cut scenes featuring glitzy Vegas dancers, cliched casino shots, freeze frames of people playing craps and slow motion smoking because Vegas is so cool, baby. And obviously, Elvis’ “Viva Las Vegas” overplayed to set the mood.

Wishes: We get to see Huge “Wolverine” Jackman wipe that smugness away from Owen. Snikt!

Up against: The Simpsons, Sunday Night Football.

See it?: I’ll give it at least two episodes. I doubt I’ll be interested beyond that, because it’s football season.

2.) The Big Bang Theory - Monday 8:30 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: Finally a show about nerds. And geeks. And smart people. Too bad it’s stereotypical and written by people with the complete opposite personality traits.

Plot: Remember that show on the WB, “Beauty and the Geek“? Well, it’s basically that concept, but fictionalized. Attractive girl meets awkward and nerdy guys. Presumed hilarity ensues … until the show gets cancelled.

Expect: Terrible jokes involving scientific and mathematical references and sex. Poorly developed and unsympathetic (or just plain pathetic) characters. Attempts by writers to understand geek culture, but fail miserably at making it funny.

Wishes: A LOLcats reference. Why not?

Up against: Prison Break, Dancing With The Stars, real nerds

See it?: I’d rather watch C-SPAN.

3.) Cane - Tuesday 10 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: Jimmy Smits? This could be good. I love dark dramas about “families.” And the fact it centers around Cubans is a fresh idea, giving some top Latino talent a chance to shine.

Plot: I’d just quote WikiPedia: “When the family patriarch, Pancho, is offered a lucrative but questionable deal by his bitter adversaries, the Samuels, to purchase thousands of acres of sugar fields, he’s faced with a tough choice: Should he cash out of the sugar business and focus solely on rum, which would please his impulsive biological son, Frank? Or should he protect the family legacy that he built from the ground up by not selling and side with his adopted son, Alex, who mistrusts the Samuels and still sees value in sugar?”

Expect: Solid acting and lots of extending and intertwined plotlines. Oh, and rum and sugar. I love those! Delicious!

Wishes: Please, don’t let there be any Scarface references. Seriously, it’s old.

Up against: Boston Legal, Law & Order: SVU

See it?: It’s a tough one if you don’t have TiVo and have to choose between L&O:SVU and Cane. Fortunately, I know USA will rerun all the SVU episodes so it’s probably worth giving Cane a shot for the first season.

4.) Kid Nation - Wednesday 8 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: Kids self-pwning themselves has potential to be good TV. On the other hand, you have to watch kids complaining, and who really wants to do that?

Plot: There really isn’t a plot, per say, but the premise is that you see what happens with 40 kids forced to survive on their own in a deserted town. CBS claims that there was minimal adult involvement, but they had professionals on site just in case. Still, they made parents sign waivers saying the network wasn’t liable if their kid died or even caught sexually transmitted diseases. Yeah, really. These parents signed a waiver that said that. What parent does that? The proud parents of Kid Nation, that’s who.

Expect: Crying. Kids drinking bleach. Kids burning their face with grease. Kids being fed lines by producers. Cheering. Hugging. Arguing. Bullying. Teamwork. Complaining. The closing of loopholes in New Mexico child-labor laws.

Wishes: Secretly, everyone who watches this show is hoping for “Lord of the Flies,” but won’t admit it.

Up against: Deal or No Deal, America’s Next Top Model, good parenting

See it?: For all it’s faults, you just know it’s going to be amusing. Sure, it’s probably wrong to support a show like this with your viewership, but at the very least it let’s you know with relative certainty that you’re probably never going to be that bad of a parent.

5.) Moonlight - Friday 9 p.m. eastern

Official site | IMDb | Wiki

First impressions: What is it with all the vampire shows? Buffy, Blade and now this. Also, this looks more suited for SciFi than CBS.

Plot: Good vampire turns detective to solve crimes and presumably fight bad vampires. Think of Blade, except without any awesome swordfights. Also, he falls in love.

Expect: Lame special effects. Cliche vampire storylines. Heartfelt moments. Dracula. Blood sucking.

Wishes: Fights with werewolves and possibly showdowns with a secret government agency that’s involved in a centuries old conspiracy.

Up against: Friday Night Lights, WWE Smackdown!

See it?: This reeks of “one season.” If it even lasts that long. I doubt anyone will watch it because of its horrible time slot and really boring idea. Then again, I tend to underestimate American audiences.

Well, that’s it for now. Tune back in tomorrow when we take a look at ABC’s new offerings.

Technorati Tags: Moonlight, Kid+Nation, Cane, Viva+Laughlin, The+Big+Bang+Theory, TV, fall+lineup, CBS, 2007

If a show sets a viewership record with 17.2 million people watching it, making it the “most viewed cable program ever” on the Nielsen scale, you tend to think “holy crap, how did I miss this?”

Actually, I know how I missed it. It’s “High School Musical 2.” It was on Disney Channel. It’s a musical. It’s about high school. And I don’t like the Disney Channel, musicals or high school.

Let’s face it, I’m not it’s target demographic. I’d never even heard of the first one or know why this is remotely popular with the kids (literally). But for the sake of bloggy comedy gold goodness and our mission here on LameRerun.com, I’m going to sit through the show and let you know just how terrible it is.

(You can view it for free online, FYI.)

First of all, if you want a professional’s view of HSM2, check out the Chicago Tribune’s Maureen Ryan’s liveblog of the show. She actually gives the show a bit more analytical eye and ernest criticism. You won’t be getting that from me. I’ll try to avoid copying her thoughts, but I will acknowledge I got the idea for this post from her.

So, here goes.

+ First song: They were talking about summer, or something. And this kid in green got up and kissed the teacher (hello lawsuit). And yearbook signing. Funny note about my high school yearbook: we didn’t actually get ours until the next school year, so you couldn’t have anyone actually sign yours, which was really odd for our senior year.

Already I’m finding myself tuning out the lyrics. If these students really are that anxious about summer, why the hell don’t they leave school already?

+ The guys need jobs. The girls need jobs. Everyone needs a summer job. Is this a subtle attempt to hint at the fact that all low-paying and unskilled jobs are being taken by undocumented workers? Are Disney’s writers trying to send a political message here? Or am I really reading too much into this?

+ A pink beret? Seriously? Oh, and more dancing. About summer vacation. And rhyming with the word “anticipation.” I’m anticipating this gets worse.

+ Still no jobs. Oh wait, a job at a country club! How priviledged.

+ Great, a Paris Hilton wannabe is in HSM2, complete with minidog. And just when the scene couldn’t get more annoying, she gets her own song. The sad part is that I actually think Paris is actually a better actor and singer. This speaks volumes about the casting of HSM2.

+ Oh no! Falling the water! The and the nemesis (nemesi? nemesises? who cares…) finally meet. And Fake Paris Hilton’s brother’s name is Ducky? I’m not going to bother to fact-check that.

+ Man, I really hope everyone gets fired. That’s the big “conflict,” right? Will they keep their jobs? Will the boss be a pansy and bow to Fake Paris Hilton’s demands and fire them all? Will the group of friends sing and dance their way to summer job fun, overcoming the struggle that is the service industry? I think you know the answers to this already.

+ Another song? How many songs does this musical have? And while the “work it out” in the kitchen, I think some country clubbers are probably going to starve to death waiting for their food.

+ “So, can we work this out?” Someone, please, get this show some better writing.

+ “The team that washes dishes together wins together.” Another example of the award-winning writing on HSM2.

+ Yes, college is expensive. More wonderful life lessons from HSM2. Kids, take notes. The next lesson will be “some of your paycheck goes to taxes.”

+ A talent show! Oh man! I can’t wait! Actually, I can. And aren’t these kids on the clock. Stop singing and get back to work. Seriously. Stop singing.

+ “This is going to be fantastic!” No, it won’t.

+ Looks like our hero and his sidekick gets to caddy for the day. And they’re amazed by the helicopter Fake Paris Hilton’s father flies in on. Why? I have no idea. And the mother has the worse golf swing ever. Get it? Because women can’t play sports! Oh, Disney, when WON’T you re-enforce stereotypes?

+ Question: What’s worse than watching golf? Answer: Watching golf during HSM2.

+ Swimming in the pool? That’s grounds for firing mister! Our hero better watch out, he’s one strike away from getting fired. What a rebel. I can see why all the girls are swooning for him.

+ Apparently none of that mattered, because “Wildcat” got a promotion. Another life lesson here kids: the more incompetent you are, the more likely you’re to get a raise.

+ More blatant sexism in HSM2: Girl golfer doesn’t know how to hold a golf club! LOL! Disney to girls: You’re sooooo dumb.

+ Did I mention I hate watching things about golf?

+ Plot development! Alert! Wildcat has to choose between singing in a musical with his girlfriend or singing to get a scholarship. OMG! What will he do?!

+ “You’re an employee, not a fairy godmother.” WTF does that mean? And Mr. Pink Beret has a tiki outfit? No, I don’t want to know the details.

+ Sidethought: What’s more painful to watch? Overacting in soap operas or overacting in HSM2?

+ Seems like Mr. Wildcat is becoming, like, a total jerkface. He doesn’t call, or write, or shoot hoops anymore. He’s drunk with power.

+ A baseball musical number. Well, at least it’s not about golf.

+ “I’m not going to dance.” Point of irony, or just more bad writing?

+ Uh oh! Looks like Wildcat is getting jealous of Mr. Pink Beret. Watching this is like taking a hammer to your pinky toe.

+ “I don’t answer to you!” “Then maybe you should answer to yourself?” Fight! Fight! Fight! Wait, no, it’s a Disney movie. A few punches and a black eye or two is too much to ask for.

+ We’re “treated” to another song. And by treated, I mean subjected to a gaudy set design and non-sensical music. And fireworks. It’s like watching a Britney Spears concert performed by Paris Hilton arranged by Elton John. In otherwords, the worst thing you’ll ever experience.

+ Wait, the name of the trophy for the talent show is called the “Star Dazzle Award”? And it’s called the “Midsummer Night’s Talent Show”? Where do they come up with this crap? This is the mystery of HSM2.

+ Oh noes! We can’t sing and dance in the talent show? WORST DAY EVER! Just kidding, that sounds like a great idea.

+ “Wear your new Italian shoes.” Wow, they’re really making a big deal about those shoes. And they’re not just any shoes. They’re Italian. From Italy.

+ A solo song from Wildcat and his girlfriend. I’m really close to exhausting my snark, so I’ll refrain from commenting.

+ Wildcat’s beginning to realize he’s a jerkface. He’s finally getting that hangover after drinking too much power. Thank god his dad’s there to set him straight and provide heartwarming advice. This can only mean one thing…

+ A self-realizing song about how he needs to change himself. This involves dancing around on a golf course and walking in the desert while clenching his fists. Wildcat is hardcore. This whole song reminds me of a boyband-era ballad, except worse.

+ “No, you’ve got a show to do. I’ve got a kitchen to clean.” Oh snap! You got served.

+ “We’re still brothers.” And then they hug it out. Thanks Jeremy Piven.

+ “My life is over.” Yes, Fake Paris Hilton, that’s what I’m thinking after watching HSM2.

+ Wow a Titanic joke. What a sinker.

+ You’ll notice my thoughts are getting shorter. That’s because this show is destroying my brain functions.

+ It’s showtime! We can sing and dance! The show’s on! It’s a miracle! It’s showtime! Buckle up, because we’re going downhill from here on out.

+ Only 8 minutes left. And it couldn’t go any slower.

+ “There’s more to life when we listen to our hearts!” An example of the fine lyrics of HSM2. It’s a chart-topping phenomenon!

+ “Here’s to the future.” “No, here’s to right now.” The writers at Disney must have a certain quota to meet of cliche lines per hour of programming. How else can one explain such poor dialogue?

+ I wonder if the kids watching this actually think high school is full of pool parties, crazy solo songs and outrageous dancing at any given time of the day. If so, they’re going to be sorely disappointed.

+ I think this last song’s lyrics actually incorporated the motto of the Three Musketeers. Either that, or I’ve completely lost the ability to think.

Well, that’s it. I can safely say that’s probably the worst thing I’ve seen in a long time and now I can live another decade or so without ever watching another musical or something on the Disney Channel.

While I can see how HSM2 isn’t meant for people like me, I’m really scared that 17.2 million people sat through this film and probably actually liked it. This qualifies as quality entertainment for our kids? Have our standards really sunk that low?

Oh, if you really want to put yourself through more pain, there’s a novelized version of the film available. You know, in case you wanted to read the terrible dialogue and boring plot without any of the musical distractions.

Technorati Tags: High+School+Musical+2, Disney+Channel

There’s a lot of award-winning, top-rated shows out there that I’m just not watching. Why? Who knows! But here’s five shows that people keep telling me are awesome, but I’m a stubborn person and refuse to watch so far.

1.) The Closer (TNT)

Did you know this is currently the #1 rated show on cable TV? It’s gotta be good. Kyra Sedgwick even got nominated for an Emmy. Why don’t I watch it? For some reason I just don’t find the show appealing to me. If it’s not from the desk of Dick Wolf, then I’m generally not interested. Or maybe it’s because I don’t find Sedgwick (or her character) all that appealing.

I don’t know, do you find her appealing?

2.) Lost (ABC)

Again, another award-winning show that pretty much everyone is obsessed with and has basically turned J.J. Abrams into some sort of god. Yet, I’ve never watched an episode. Why?

Well, I hesitate to get wrapped into a show like “Lost” because it seems like such an involved storyline that you have to see from episode one. And now that I’ve got a few seasons to catch up on, I just am too lazy to rent the discs and involved myself in another TV show. I imagine I’ll get into it at some point, but for now I’ve got enough on my plate.

All I currently know about “Lost” is that people are on an island, there’s something called “Dharma,” and Evangeline Lilly’s character “Kate” is not only a fugitive, but also manages to look amazing, you know, considering the fact she lives on an island in the middle of the ocean.

Plus, I don’t know if I can really take the idea of a mystery show that hasn’t ended yet. I get the feeling that “Lost” will get dragged out by ABC until the ratings and writing is so terrible that they have to cancel it and wrap up whatever insane plot they’ve developed so far. I don’t like the idea that the writers probably are just creating this on the fly.

3.) Monk (USA)

I don’t like Tony Shalhoub. And his “Monk” character just plain annoys me. It’s that simple. The show got an Emmy? And a Golden Globe? I don’t care. I’m not going to watch this show. It’s painful to watch Shalhoub’s OCD acting. I’ll wait an hour and watch “Psych” instead.

4.) C.S.I. and it’s two spin-offs (CBS)

I can’t express to you how much I dislike this show. It’s terrible. It’s cliche. It’s trite. It’s poorly written. It’s absurd.

I don’t care how many cities they put spin offs in, I’m not going to watch this show. Sorry, but “Law & Order” set the tone for investigative shows and your blue light laboratories and junk science bores me to death. It’s Hollywoodized, predictable and full of bullshit. It infuses pop music as part of it’s soundtrack.

Really, there’s nothing that isn’t wrong with this show.

5.) America’s Got Talent (NBC)

Really? Talent? There’s a place for that and it’s called YouTube. Plus, I’d have to watch Jerry Springer and I’d rather avoid doing that if at all possible.

But they do have The Hoff…

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. Don’t fret, I’m sure there’s plenty of others for me to turn my nose at in the future.

Technorati Tags: America’s+Got+Talent, CSI, Lost, The+Closer, Monk, USA+Network, TNT, NBC, ABC, TV, CBS

On Sunday, SpikeTV wrapped up “The Kill Point,” with a two-hour finale that featured the much advertised “twist ending!” Of course, by advertising it, you’re expecting it, which defeats the point of it being a twist. But why dwell on that, when there’s so much more to complain about.

Obviously, there’s no way the episode could have lived up to expectations, heck, not even lowered expectations. But now that it’s over, it’s time we look at the work as a whole.

The show dragged on for way too long and could easily have been cut in half in total episode length. The attempts at character development fell flat. By the time the show ended, I really didn’t care about anyone left.

The hostages weren’t given a chance to grow, because they sat there quiet most of the time. The only time things got interesting was when they plotted to steal the robbers’ weapons, but of course they relied on an obviously weak character and it ended as soon as it began.

Plus, despite this being a hostage movie where the armed gunmen threatened to kill hostages, all of them made it out alive. It’s like the writers thought the audience couldn’t handle that happening. And this hurt the film’s credibility. The gunmen were portrayed as dark and distrubed men, but they never acted on that hidden aggression. And in turn, you never actually felt the dramatic tension because you almost knew they weren’t going to kill anyone important.

And then there were the police. Wow, you couldn’t have any more stereotypes put into a single show. The negotiator with unorthodox methods and a willingness to do something a bit unusual. The captain who’s a jerk. The lackey with no self confidence, but all the technical skills. The SWAT leader who’s “got the back” of the negotiator, but wants to do it by the book. And the insane sniper who just wants to spout off pop philosophy.

Now, the show had plenty of good ideas as far as a plot goes. But they didn’t execute any of them to actually affect the ending. The rich father didn’t manage to change anything. Neither did the robbers’ friends on the outside who tried to rescue them. And of course the failed attempt by the hostages to fight back. If just one of these things had advanced the plot, or, hell, killed someone important off, I’d have considered them successful. But again, wasted opportunities.

So, that leaves us with the final failure of “The Kill Point.” The complete lack of satisfying action. For a film called “The Kill Point,” not many people actually were killed. The shootout between the police and the robbers was a complete waste. You mean to tell me that a bunch of former Marines and SWAT can’t actually hit each other at relatively close range in the middle of a tunnel? Seriously? That sequence defined the definition of “lame.”

And the final gun fight at the end of the show was boring. In fact, all the shootouts with the exception of the very first one in the premier were bad. I expected violence and didn’t get any.

The problem this show suffered from was it’s sheer predictability. You could see foreshadowing a mile away and it failed to surprise you in the least. And the one “twist” at the end pretty much echoed and was stolen from the Kevin Spacey / Samuel L. Jackson flick “The Negotiator.” Lame, lame, lame.

Conclusion: A great concept that wasted opportunities and ended up borrowing heavily from other hostage films while sliding downward to the final episode.

Technorati Tags: SpikeTV, The+Kill+Point

Well, Jeff’s on vacation. Literally. So, I’ll be running amuck here for the next few days to fill in at LameRerun.com. I can’t promise I’ll be as insightful as Jeff’s posts usually are, but I’ll attempt to be as entertaining as possible.

Down the hatch!